All or nothing

It's been a pretty terrible week, maybe a couple weeks even, but you are always the bright spot. For the most part, you are helpful and listen well. Last night after you finished eating your three yorkshire puddings with gravy for supper (and slicing a few baby carrots with your knife), you fawned over me like you do telling me how I am the best. I fondly reciprocate.

Then you turned to your dad and said, "You're not the best - but I still love you."

And hey, this is a huge step. Before it was all, 'if I love Mom, I don't love anybody else' and 'if Mom's the best, everyone else is undeserving of my affections.' This is good and I'm sure your dad will really appreciate it.

Fantastical!

We've been watching the trailer for Coraline all week, then finally visited the awesome website where we made these wonderful and kinda eery images. Can't wait for the movie to come out next weekend.

Delightful

You had the best sleep last night, asleep just before nine and despite a two-minute tantrum at 5:30 a.m. to watch t.v., you slept until 7:45. And I had to wake you. I waited until Dad got out of the shower with the intention of taking you to Nana's in your pajamas. I even got your toque on but you yanked it off and said, "But I have to eat first!"Ah, routine is a funny thing.

So, you were very happy today. Most days we are faced with some wild mood swings, mostly violent and angry. Today was nice.

Today would have been my Dad's 60th birthday. It's been almost seven years since he died, which is how I remember how long your dad and I have been married. We celebrated our anniversary on Sunday by going out for supper, drinks and dessert while Nana babysat you and put you to bed. All a great treat!

***

Last weekend, you and I were basking in my room. I don't remember what we were talking about, but I asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up. You thought a sec and said, "I want to be a graphic designer - just like Mommy!" I didn't even know you knew I was a graphic designer.

But you know - and want to know - so much. One night in bed you just asked, "Can we talk in French?" We proceeded to spend the next twenty minutes or so learning the French word for objects...and a few phrases.

And finally, you are getting very good at reading bedtime stories. You run your finger under the words and "read" because you know the lines. If you're not sure which word is which, you ask and you remember for next time. And the cutest is when you get to the end of a book and read those two little words - the end!

Back to it

Happy new year. It's funny to look back upon the previous year, but every January it's time to do just that and then rate it. Kinda. And overall I'd rate it as one I hope we never have again. You, my sweet, were wonderful and grew and matured and learned and delighted, but of all the major events, most were stressful and sad. If we could just go a year - or more realistically - even six months without stepping foot in the hospital, especially the ER, I would be thrilled. I know we can't control Nana's health, I just long for a little stability in that department...

But it's also time to start anew. To work on our shortfalls - like extending patience and controlling tempers. To relax, focus on the positive and all the wonderful things we do have. And to just enjoy it all despite the pressure to go, go, go. And with that, I'll likely not be posting as often as evidenced in the last couple months. I've got an incessant nagging to make, make, make. I want to sew, I want to do some printmaking, I want to doodle, draw, cover a couple canvases that are sitting nearby, maybe even some papercutting. But all in my spare time, after you've gone to bed. And when I'm done, I'll scoop you out of your bed and take you into mine. Squished in between you and Dad, a nice way to spend the winter.

Merry Christmas!

I know I haven't had much to say this month, but I've been busy sewing, sewing, sewing! It's a very handmade xmas. This morning, you're off to Amy's for an xmas party, I'm out while the house gets cleaned and then we're off to Grandma and Grandpa's this afternoon. Merry xmas and maybe after the holiday, I'll have time to get the thousand photos up of every party and event we've hit this holiday season!

Hard work

Last Friday, Nana offered to babysit you which you jumped at the opportunity to not go to the babysitter as normal. You guys had a wonderful day and in turn, you were an absolute delight at night. We hadn't seen this lovely side of you since Nana began home dialysis and was unable to babysit you during the days anymore, about a month ago now.

That night, Dad asked you if you'd had a good day. You said yes. Then he asked you what was so hard about going to Amy's. You thought about it for a minute and said, "Ummm, it's hard playing all day." Then we totally understood. At Amy's, there were four other kids who expected to play with you all the time and it was hard to keep up. With Nana, you could set the pace and Nana would play whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted.

Today, Nana offered to babysit again. Today, though, you had big plans. After taking you to your first real hairdresser haircut, Nana wanted to take you for lunch and then to the mall to see Santa. She said you were so good, sitting nice for the hairdresser while she trimmed up your bangs and took 2-3" off your long, gorgeous locks. Then you ate most all of your lunch at McDonald's, even though Playland was closed. And you even sat nicely on Santa's knee and got your picture taken as a present to me. While I haven't seen or talked to you yet as I went out after work and you're now fast asleep, I'm sure you'll only have the sweetest things to say about your day.

The girl who stole Christmas

A few nights ago, I told you a story in the dark about a little girl who woke up on xmas morning and there were no presents. Her mom and dad didn't have enough money to buy presents or food to have a nice xmas.

You chimed in right away with, "yeah, that girl took my big Santa present and I was really mad." I said, no, nobody took any of your presents but you insisted. "Yeahhhh, the girl took it from me." I went on to say that maybe we should buy that little girl a present so she would be happy on xmas morning. You agreed.

The next night we went to Wal-Mart and you picked out a toy for 'that girl.' You picked out a Littlest Pet Shop set and said, "Now that girl won't take my presents."

Right. Now that we've distracted this poor, little less-fortunate girl with a small present, she totally won't take your big Santa present. Or so your theory went.

They shouted out with gleams

Two nights ago, we dug out some xmas books. Among them was Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer. We ended the story by singing the song. You asked me to sing it again after we shut off the light. I sang it seven or eight times and you didn't say a peep, just went immediately to sleep. The next day you could sing about half the song on your own. Today, you can sing it almost perfectly. Tonight, you sang it while reading the book as witnessed here.


Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer from Really Silly Lily and her mama on Vimeo.

Except for the "they shouted out with gleams" part. She knows the word gleam from her favourite song from Sleeping Beauty, the Tchaikovsky waltz. "The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam..."

What's gonna work?

For the past two days I've been at peritoneal dialysis training with Nana while you've gone to the babysitter. Yesterday morning before I left with Nana, I buckled you into your car seat, told you I'd see you at supper time and kissed you good-bye.

When the van door closed you said, "Where's mommy?" Dad answered that I was going to the hospital with Nana, he'd take you to Amy's house and that I'd pick you up from Amy's house.

After a moment's thought you said, "Yeah, that's teamwork!"

Ohhhhh, it's over?

Your costume? Why, it's Slippers, the cat from next door. (Actually 'Slippers' just started wearing a nametag that says 'Oreo' but we know who you're dressed up as.)

Your reaction on Saturday when we told you it wasn't Halloween anymore was less than enthusiastic. After all the things we'd done in advance of this one special day... You were downright sad because the whole Halloween day had been so perfect.


Even though Dad was home with you on Friday, Amy asked if you could come over for a couple hours in the morning for a little Halloween costume party. So, Dad turned you into a kitty and took you over to mingle with Davy Crockett, a horse, a tiger and a flower. When I got home at lunch, there was so much candy in a giant pile on the floor, I couldn't believe you'd brought it all home with you. Even more exciting, you told me you had brain pizza and bogeyman punch. Spooky stuff!

After lunch you and Dad (mostly just Dad) carved a pumpkin, Grandma and Grandpa showed up for the weekend and then Creeson and his mom popped over with treats! We squeezed in a big meal of perogies and sausage (a tradition since I was little), then you, Dad and I hit the sidewalks to trick-or-treat. And oh, how nice it was out - mittens weren't even warranted!


How proud we were that you weren't shy at all. At every house you loudly said, "Tricker treat!" and mostly remembered to say thank-you. Your impatience was comical, too. If the door wasn't answered immediately you would say, "Let's go to a different house." When the man or lady would squat down with the bowl of loot, you would just start taking what you liked and shoving it into your bag. Sometimes they'd ask how many you would like and you'd always say two. We brought home an entire bag full of candy, chips and even play-doh. A very good take.

And next year? You already said you want to be a princess.

Alive

But sick. Again. Day 9 and going strong with a cold and bad cough. Just me and Dad; you've only had a few sniffles. Was away in Saskatoon last week for three days, two nights - our first time apart. Busy making you a blanket since my return, a Wizard of Oz blanket.


Had a happy Thanksgiving...

...complete with 17 cm of snow which has since melted.

Getting ready for Halloween...

...even had candy apples for breakfast one morning - at your odd request - to help us prepare for the upcoming sugar rush.

Hey, thanks

On Friday morning, you, Nana and I were getting ready to go out when I told you that this weekend was Thanksgiving weekend when we tell everyone what we're thankful for. So I asked, "What are you thankful for?"

"Umm, winter. And Nana."

Later when we met Dad for lunch, I explained our conversation that morning then asked, "What else are you thankful for?"

"Mom. Food." Looking out the window, "cars. And Skye." I said, "Aren't you forgetting someone at the table here?" You looked around. "No." "What about Dad?" "No," you replied again.

This morning, I had the rarely-used video camera out and asked you the same line of questions for the record. You replied with "winter, Mom, Nana, Skye, Dad, clothes."

So, the lesson here is to keep asking until we get the answer we want. And to be thankful that you didn't rattle off toys, computer games or some other fairly frivolous and extravagant items. We must be doing something right.

Favourite things

Sometimes when we're laying there at night waiting for you to drift off into dreamland, I'll ask you what your favourite thing that day was. Today you said, "playing with Nana." When I broke the news to you that even though Nana is staying at our house while she recovers from her surgery, she won't be able to babysit you and that you'll still have to go to Amy's house tomorrow. To which you asked, "But who will keep Nana safe?"

Somewhere awesome

For the past few months, each morning when we take you to Amy's or when Nana comes to babysit you insist that you want to go somewhere awesome. It's a last-ditch request as your dad and I are trying to get out the door. Amy usually tells you that you'll go to the park. Nana tells you that you need to get dressed before you can do anything. Until recently, no one has taken you too seriously.

In the past month that Nana's been on dialysis, she's had more energy than in the last couple years. So for the last few Mondays and Wednesdays she's been so good about taking you 'somewhere awesome.' You've gone to the hairdresser when Nana gets her hair washed. You've gone to the dollar store to get Halloween decorations. You've gone to McDonald's playland - somewhere your parents will never take you. You've gone to the donut shop for sprinkle donuts. I tell you often how lucky you are and allude to more outings.

Tonight while we were at Nana's for supper, she said she was ready to take you somewhere awesome tomorrow. You looked at her and said, "I know. Mom already told me." How quickly you get spoiled...

Ugggh

On the verge of October and I barely noticed September. We have been stricken with illness. Dad at the end of our holidays, you for seven days beginning on our first day back to work, followed by Nana. Then when things were looking all right, I got it. Bad. Laid out for ten days, I couldn't eat, couldn't move, couldn't keep anything in, even ended up in the emergency room for 12 hours on Thursday for a few litres of much-needed fluids by IV and lots of blood work and cultures.

While I'm feeling much better now, maybe 70%, I'm still pretty weak and tired. Dad's been a superstar, taking care of you and everything else. He's taken you swimming, to Moose Jaw with Nana (to visit cousin Zander, who you call Flounder), shopping, to fly your kite... It goes on and on.

And you've been pretty sweet, too. While I moaned away in the bathroom, you said, "I'll just hold your hand, Mom." And it worked, that did make me feel better.

Smells like fall

Today was our first day back to work and your first day with Nana again. We fell into a perfectly lovely routine of sleeping in and having no plan for the past three weeks, everything busy and structured was put aside, hence the lack of updates. Back to the old routine now - or perhaps later this week. I need to ease into it.

Today was particularly nice

Last Thursday was my last day of work as I'm on holidays now until Sept. 8. It's a different mode. I feel like we can do so much more because there isn't ten hours looming over me that get eaten up by work or working towards work each day. On Sunday, we spent the afternoon at the pool. Note your strong muscles.


Yesterday, we went shopping with Nana. She bought us a snack and drink in the food court before we headed home for lunch. Then went to her house where we snooped in her basement and found her forgotten collection of Disney characters. You fell asleep on the way home and napped until almost 5:30 but that was okay because even if you did stay up late, we have no early morning schedule to adhere to.

Today was particularly nice. We put away the dishes we'd washed in the dishwasher, then made rhubarb and blueberry hand pies, then reloaded the dishwasher, picked some ripe tomatoes and strawberries, had veggies with dip, cheese and crackers and those delectable hand pies for lunch, then topped it off by...


...going to the beach! Regina Beach and it was great, albeit a little on the rocky side. But you got to try out your new floatation bathing suit, swim in the lake, dipping under the big waves sometimes, eat chips and drink pop and hit the park. Nice. Especially with today's 33° heat.

A deep, extreme love

Tonight and last night were kinda the same. Last night I had a hair cut scheduled for 7:45. I was hoping you'd already be asleep but of course you weren't. After begging for five minutes to come with me, you settled for quietly sobbing and saying, "I just wait here by the door 'til you get home." Fortunately last night you did go to sleep.

Tonight, however was a different story.

I had my very last SGI youth conference today ('cause next year I'm not considered youth anymore); it was also my last day of 'work' before three weeks of holidays. I'd taken you to the babysitter around 9:30 and picked you up by four and even though it was a short day away, you were crushed that Dad and I were going out again for the supper and party portion of the conference. We'd picked up supper for you and Nana, but by the time we wanted to leave around 5:45 you were hysterical, pleading to come. "I bigger now. I can come to work!" We drove away watching you scream at the door, distraught as though you'd never see us again.

Usually within ten minutes you calm and can carry on, but tonight you just sat in the window waiting for us to come home. Until 8:30. "I waiting for Mom to come home." Then when Nana finally convinced you to maybe go and watch some t.v., you watched a couple shows then hit the sack where you read stories until falling asleep in your clothes. "Mommy will put my pajamas on me."

I think you've had it. You need me to have a holiday and stay home with you just as much as I need one. Except it seems you might need it a little more than me.

Three years old

We celebrated your actual birthday by going to a movie tonight. That hinged on you having a nap this afternoon because I got more than one phone call today saying, "Mom, I neeeeed you. Can you come home now?" Not to mention the sad, sad crying and pounding on the door when we tried to go back to work at lunch.


But you napped for a couple hours with Nana so after supper, we asked if you wanted to go see WALL•E again or Kung Fu Panda. WALL•E won out, so we were all happy. Watching you read their emotions, these two robots, it's really quite wonderful. You feel everything they do and it's so nice to share that with you.

Happy birthday, squirt.

Birthday party!

Even though you won't be three until Wednesday, we celebrated with a little party yesterday. On the guest list were Creeson and his mom and dad, Michele and Sydney, Nigel and Jessica, Nana and Skye, and Grandma and Grandpa. What a hot, humid day it was though you and I were the only ones with really rosey cheeks. Here's the day in pictures:

You and Creeson kept cool with the water from the paddling pool and your sun hats, then refreshed with lemonade and breadsticks, of course.

Everyone concentrate...

Now ready, set, BLOW!

Mmmm, cupcakes, icing and lollipops - oh my!

Did you say presents?

I can open them now?

Now?

Yayyyyy!

Do I have to open the cards first?

Princess wrapping paper!

A magic wand! Wow!

Starting to get a little dazed and overwhelmed by ALL the presents. After quickly opening one, you'd immediately say, "More presents."

And you passed out at your birthday supper before the crazy servers could throw a moose hat on you and sing to you.

But woke up upon leaving Montana's so we could go home and open up all those wonderful toys.

And you, you lucky little duck, got to stay home all day with Grandma and Grandpa to play with all your brand new toys! Starting with Play-doh at 7:30 a.m...

When we tucked you into bed last night, I asked you what your favourite thing was that day. Your answer? "Presents," of course, "- and mama." If you keep saying such sweet things like that to me, three is going to be pretty terrific.