The little things

I had no idea that five could be so wonderful. These milestones aren't as apparent in you as they are in Finn right now, but they are every bit as amazing.

You've started to pour your own milk. Sometimes it gets too full, but it's never spilled. While you still like the company, you've begun going to the bathroom alone. You willingly get your own drinks and snacks – sometimes. You cut your own food. You tell funny stories. You love Justin Beiber; you've kissed his hand on your poster...with lipstick. You've made up some funky new dance moves that fiercely embarrassed you when we told you how cool it looked.

The other morning you said, "I still have my friends from preschool. Now I have all new friends in kindergarten. So all together, I have lots of friends. And I'll just keep getting more. That's pretty cool actually!" A few days earlier in anticipation of a playdate (that ended up being squashed by a lice outbreak) you said, "I'll have to tell Brynn I haven't fallen in love yet. Maybe she has, then I can marry Creeson." These are the things you contemplate.

A couple weeks ago, you were going to sleep so I put my arm around you. I have done this since, well, since you were born. We have only slept two whole nights apart – ever. Then the other night you just said, "You know, I'm not really a big girl. I'm still pretty little. Remember when you said good-bye to your four-year-old Lily? And then when I woke up, I was five." We chatted a few more minutes before saying our good-nights. Then I put my arm around around you. You squirmed as though it was all of a sudden very uncomfortable. "No, you don't have to do that," and you turned over, away from me, and went to sleep.

You told me you didn't even need to sleep with Baby (Violet) anymore either. When I asked you if you'd like me to get her, you said, "Nah, whatever."

And so it begins. Which is why I keep you so close, because I know you won't always want it that way. While it's pretty squishy with four in a bed, I'll take that over anything because one night I'm going to wake up and I won't have your right arm and your right leg wrapped around me. I won't be able to just kiss your cheek or rub your arm while you sleep. And that makes me kinda sad.